The Organ of Meaning

How much happier you would be, how much more of you there would be, if the hammer of a higher God could smash your small cosmos, scattering the stars like spangles, and leave you in the open, free like other men to look up as well as down!”

via Orthodoxy by Gilbert K. Chesterton, Chapter 2.

“John Bradford, the martyr, used to say, ‘I never go away from any part of the service of God till I feel thoroughly alive in it, and know that the Lord is with me in it.’ Carry out this rule conscientiously. In confessing sin, go on confessing till you feel that your tears have washed the Saviour’s feet. In seeking pardon, continue to seek till the Holy Spirit bears witness to your peace with God. In preparing a sermon, wait upon the Lord until you have communion with Christ in it, until the Holy Spirit causes you to feel the power of the truth which you are to deliver.”

C.H. Spurgeon, An All-round Ministry, “Light. Fire. Faith. Life. Love.“

“Take care, brethren; for if we think we can do anything of ourselves, all we shall get from God will be the opportunity to try. He will thus prove us, and let us see our inability. A certain alchemist, who waited upon Pope Leo X, declared that he had discovered how to transmute the baser metals into gold. He expected to receive a sum of money for his discovery, but Leo was no such simpleton; he merely gave him a huge purse in which to keep the gold which he would make. There was wisdom as well as sarcasm in the present. That is precisely what God does with proud men; He lets them have the opportunity to do what they boasted of being able to do. I never heard that so much as a solitary gold piece was dropped into Leo’s purse, and I am sure you will never be spiritually rich by what you can do in your own strength. Be stripped, brother, and then God may be pleased to clothe you with honour, but not till then.”

C.H. Spurgeon, An All-round Ministry, “Light. Fire. Faith. Life. Love.” p. 183-4

As I processed a little today with my in-laws’ pastor he asked a question that struck at the heart of what I’ve been wrestling with. It’s a question that doesn’t seem to be all that crazy or out of the realm of possibility and even seems that it would be a next logical step in where God is calling me in ministry.

In the past year I have moved to a part-time position filling one of the IT roles for Campus Crusade for Christ in this region. I am still also working on campus in the DC area (also part-time now). I like both, but I love working on campus. The question that I need to come to grips with is this:

Would I be okay and would I trust God if he called me to fill the IT position full time?

Right now, I am not sure. But I know what the answer needs to be; not because I think God might (or might not), but because I know that I need to have complete trust in His goodness and His trustworthiness.

All of you who are reading this and are the praying type, please keep doing so for my personal retreat this week.

As I read and learn more and more about the history of the basic branches of the Protestant church I find that the pattern of too-hard – too-soft – just-right in almost every run down of their distinctives and doctrines. There are issues of the “real presence” in communion, baptism (both child and believer’s), church political structure and its interaction with the secular politics, defense of the doctrines (or dogmas), the interpretation of the Bible, the nature of God, the nature of salvation and election… I find truth and different kinds of “missing it” in all of them.

Am I Goldilocks with my theology? Will I find the high Papa Church always too big, and hot but with the right firmness? Will the Mama church always be too soft and cold, but the right size? And the infantile church “just right”? And will I find myself thrown out of the house altogether?

Maybe the metaphor of the story breaks down around here – finding the extremes too much but comfort somewhere in the middle. It’s as if I’m looking for the medium sized, hard and cold… and not all of them go with the same system (Papa, Mama, Baby)…

Is it that I just find myself uncomfortable in every house but still welcomed… as if the bears welcomed Miss Locks into their home to stay.

[1/19/08]