The Organ of Meaning

This morning was a morning that I woke up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. For the first hour and a half, all I know is that I was completely in a funk.

Getting out of bed itself made me annoyed because I couldn’t find my glasses.

My wife made me annoyed because I was being cranky and she didn’t like it.

Coffee made me annoyed because I hadn’t eaten and I was sure it would mess up my stomach.

Getting my lunch ready annoyed me because I don’t want to eat a packed lunch.

Driving to class annoyed me because we were late and the drivers around me weren’t cooperating and getting out of my way.

Sitting at the table for class bothered me because people keep sitting at our table and making it so the people who have been sitting at our table for two weeks have to shift around and find new tables.

The short time of singing in worship annoyed me because I was annoyed and distracted in my mind so I was annoyed and distracted by my distraction and my annoyance which annoyed and distracted me…

The emcee annoyed me, not for any good reason. It didn’t help that as she got up there about a second of some dance song started which gave away that someone would be dancing on stage soon; which is not often a good thing. It also annoyed me because the people running the sound and powerpoint have been mediocre.

The thing that finally got me out was the dance song, and the emcee.

The emcee’s daughter was the person who was taking up some of the space at our table. She has been in the childcare here. Last night they had a talent show and had performed a dance number with her mother (the emcee). They decided to share it with us. While it was a little cheesy, it was fun. The girl was funny becasue she was cute. The emcee was funny because she was performing a dance that was intended to be done in front of kids.

Somehow, that was the thing that broke through my crappy morning. I’m still tired and the dance number was a little “Dunder Mifflin”, but it was fun and light hearted. And, really, you stay mad when there’s a kid doing a good job that has been sitting across the table from you.

Thanks for making my morning better, kiddo.

All I want to do is look at some family history stuff. Why do you have to be broken today? Really, it’s working off and on. Nonetheless, I don’t like it one bit. I feel like my brain is disconnected from my own hypnopædia.

Short nerdy post.

Gmail labs removed the right-side labels option today and added the option to hide certain labels. They’re arguing that it’s not necessary any more because of the ability to hide them and make it small.

What I know is that I can no longer have my calendar app and my labels viewable at the same time. Even if I have moved my chat over there like they suggested.

Attention Gmail people – it’s still necessary!

Oh, and now you can drag and drop things into labels. A useless option for those of us who do actually use the “Gmail Ninja” tips they put out – you know, using the keyboard shortcuts.

Do I have what it takes?

This is the question that rattles through so many minds; from my experience it does so for males far more often than for women. I’m not saying that it never barrels its way through the heads and hearts of women, I have just heard and seen its effects in men more frequently.

It comes out in reaction to so many things.

Career. Relationships. Sports. School.

Honestly, just about every guy sees some aspect of life as a competition with every other person. It’s not (necessarily) that we want to beat or destroy the other “competitors”, we just want to know that we have what it takes to succeed. As boys (and sometimes even as adult men), we turn everything into some sort of game.

I’ve seen games of Frisbee evolve into “disc dodge”, I know guys who compete at kicking flip-flops onto a certain set of stairs, a guy I had coffee with two weeks ago loves to play a game that involves tennis balls, a golf club and the emergency stations that are on every college campus. Honestly, look at curling, it was totally a few guys trying to prove that they had the best stone sliding skills.

Stone sliding skills. Not a skill that will help in hunting or gathering. Not something that is actually useful like running fast. It’s guys trying to prove that they have what it takes in some (very) small area of life.

This has been the question that I’ve wrestled with the most during the past year and a half. My wife has been promoted within our team and I have not. The reason that I have not is because I am fulfilling a role outside of our team, but in our region that no one else is filling because they don’t possess the expertise required to do it. The role that I have is useful and it is proof that on some level I have what it takes more than other people.

Yet, for my selfish heart, I need more. I want to know that I have what it takes in every area. I want to be the one everywhere I go. I want to be the Regional IT Specialist (capital letters) and I want to be one of the Missional Team Leaders in Washington, DC (get it, capital letters?).

One of the things about this question is that it always is looking for more. My heart asks this question every day and it leads to nothing less than idolatry. Idolatry is something that I’ve been very aware of lately. The next post that I’m still planning on sharing from the Advance09 conference was some thoughts on idolatry in general and in specific.

What I’m realizing is that idolatry is the thing that lies at the root of every annoying foible and every disgusting corner of our lives and society.

The human heart is a factory of idols – John Calvin

Whatever you think of Calvin himself or his theology in general. On this point he is undoubtedly right. We are constantly looking for things to save us. Things to save us from boredom, from insignificance, from pain, from sadness, from want and desire and need. We look for the things that will give us our desires for pleasure, for money, for control and power and importance. We’re looking for the things to which we can give our all and will give us everything we want in return. In short, we’re looking for something to worship, a god who will receive our service and hear our prayers and give us everything we want because we make it happy.

Yet, it can’t.

The wonderful answer to the question of whether or not I have what it robs us of control and steals our fear, striving and insecurity with it.

In the end, I don’t have what it takes. I don’t.

And that’s good.

Because, the One who steals all of that away does have what it takes, and is willing to give it to me. Give what you ask?

A pain free life? No.

Power and fame and money? Probably not.

Happiness and pleasure all the time? Nope.

Himself?

Yes, himself. This is the Gospel.

That the God who created all of this, who has what it takes to create worlds and to oversee all of time, who is able to see the past and the future in one glance, who loves every person in the most intimate and personal way, yet refuses to overpower our choice to love Him back or not, the one who is infinite yet became one of us so that we can comprehend who is is and to pay a debt that we could not pay; that this same God is willing to exchange me for Him.

The good news is that I don’t have to have what it takes, I just have to have Him who has taken it all. When I have Him, I have everything that I need. I have what it takes to look at tomorrow and know that whatever it carries, He has seen it coming and He will see me through it. Even if there is pain in it. Even if the life that I know crumbles around me, I have Him who knows the end from the beginning and knows the ultimate good at the end.

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• Bob Francis speaking this morning. I don't think I've ever seen him in person before. #
• On missional teams "If we can do that over there, why cant we do that within the United States?" Bob Francis (what else does this apply to?) #
• One stroke improvement today on my disc golf round. #
• REALLY sick of people making fun of things that they don't understand because they REFUSE to learn about it. #
• Farrah Fawcet AND Michael Jackson?! Wow. #
• Ahhh, New Belgium. #
• I just wounded @myobie in an assassination attempt. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy #
• Is there going to be an official hashtag for NSC this year? #csu09 is easy. #csu09ccc is too long. #campuscrusadenationalstaffconference2009 #
• ccc staff: we R having a tweetup during NSC sponsored by Keynote & TypePad; gving away 25 problogger accounts! ~@cccblogference #csu09ccc #
• Too soon I think. @zombiebillymays #

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